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When I first started getting into Mr Hayes's music, I had these grand visions of becoming - if not Shaft - then definitely a (perhaps) lower-rung, but still well hung, sex machine to all da chicks, somebody who'd get chicks all hot and wet, cos I could play them deep-throated bassy vocals by someone who wasn't Barry White (who all the ladies already knew via Ally McBeal).

Picture the scene:

[late night funky stuff in da bedroom. soft female moaning, wafting thru the house]

me: MMM..mmMMMMM.. ooh.. yeah... baby, you like that doncha??

she: uh-huh... uhmm... mmm...

/krangsquared pulls supacool vinyl out of his dj bag

she: whatchu got there, baby?

me: This is Isaac Hayes's album, "... To be Continued"

she: so what?

me: This is what you could call my big gun, baby, musically speaking. This is where I go for the kill and demolish all your trainspotting, sampledelic defenses. Listen to this closely, my lovely, for almost every note in this has been sampled to a degree not too far removed from "Apache" and "Funky Drummer"

she: huh?

/krangsquared puts album on turntable, and cues up "Ike's Mood"

me: Listen that horn blast in the intro. Doesn't that remind you of every Ms Universe broadcast you ever saw back in the 70s? When the strings come in and you hear your M.C. for the evening talks about "these lovely ladies from all around the globe vying for this prestigious title"..

[music continues for a while]

Listen to that guitar riff... picked up and recycled by groups like Massive Attack and The Chemical Brothers...

she: Waitaminnit, but that riff wasn't really used on a Chemical Brothers song, I think. It was on the track "Wede Man", in the intro...

me: I see...

she: And the "Live at the Social" CD, where it's on, is pretty much just a DJ set, and only features I think 1 or 2 tracks by them.

me: mmm...MMMMM... baby, I can clearly see whose defenses are coming down... mine. And I thought I was gonna try and impress you! I can see we've really got a groove thang going here.. Together, we'll set the sky alight. Together, we'll make each evening feel like it's our very last night. Together, we've got a chance to spot so many samples, and identify so many riffs - we could even win at musical trivial pursuit at the local bar on Wednesday nite!

she: Baby, that rhymin' was risky but heartfelt. It's almost like in Light My Fire where Jim matches "liar" and "pyre". He could've just used fire anyway, but that boy, he just had to tempt fate.

Yeah, baby, we've really got it going on.... uh huh...

Ooh, dat's right... do dat again, lovah... mmmm...

me: mmmm-mmmmm-MMMMM!

[the strings come in, and the lovin' keeps comin on]

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